I used to hate fighting games.  I did own Street Fighter II, Turbo and Mortal Kombat 2, but I never really got into them, although I did manage to perfect the Sub-zero freeze to Scorpion flame fatality with Shang-Tsung in MK2.

It wasn’t until one day that Jason told me of this fucking amazing arcade fighting game called Tekken 3, that I returned to the genre which had given me nightmares of Zangeif giving me a special variant of his spinning “piledriver”.

Of course when he first mentioned the game, I immediately dismissed it.  Looking back on that, I’ve determined that I was a fag, and have apologized every day for almost not giving Tekken 3 a chance. 

Fortunately I did, and Jason and I began to play frequently.  At first we sucked vast amounts of semi-erect walrus cock, but we slowly began to improve.  Then one day, we met “The Mentor”.

When we first ran into this guy, Jason and I thought we were the shit.  However, we were soon shown to be wrong as the man we would come to call “The Mentor” handed us our asses repeatedly, and then divulged some of his godly secrets to us.  Jason and I immediately dubbed him “The Mentor” and began to emulate him as much as we could.  Soon we were kicking even more ass.

While things were looking good for us, evil forces were gathering to smash, both Jason and I.  These forces came in the form of two young gentlemen, Jason and I dubbed “The Chinks”.  Now we didn’t really know if they were from China, I don’t even think we cared.  Once of us just came up with the name, and it ended up sticking.  Soon after that, we began assigning code names to all the guys who played Tekken.

At the time, it was the Chinks who dominated those old school days of Tekken 3.  They seemed to know a hell of a lot more about the game than we did, and they held the one undefeatable weapon of the day: King’s chain throws.  Once they landed a chain throw on someone, that person could kiss their 2 tokens, as well as their ass, goodbye.  It was sick

But salvation came to Jason and I, with the release of Tekken 3 to the playstation.  Training against one another became our daily activity.  Together we grew stronger, ultimately strong enough to dominate the arcade.

Tekken Tag Tournament was where my game really took off.  After a few months of not playing Tekken at all, I resumed my arcading, and hard practice.  After a while I actually began to form strategy and whatnot, and soon became the master of the arcade.  Things were looking up when suddenly tradgedy struck.  Glassgetty Fag, in one of his homolicious outbreaks, smashed the controls after losing to The Kid from Clinton.  There was to be nor more Tekken Tag after that.  The inept technicians at Pockey Change park took over 3 months to repair the machine, leaving me high and dry.

Taking a chance, I traveled across the mississippi river, to the land of fagness, Illionois.  I knew there was a Tekken Tag machine in the local mall, so that’s where I went.  Jason and I had traveled there before, to administer beatdown to the scrubby Eddy players, however we had found the machine to be less than BA.  With no choice in the matter, I was forced to play.

Time and time again, fags I had never played before came up and fell to me.  While I would just sit there and play the computer, groups of people would cluster around and watch as a dicked about.  I soon earned the reputation as the resident Tekken Tag master.

I’ve competed in tournaments, none really big.  I tend not to do well in tournies, the reasons for which are unknown to me.  I did place 2nd in my very first one, and took 1st the the one and only local Tekken Tag tourney, but that’s it.

I don’t think I’m great at the game, I’ve met guys way better than me, but I’m good for kicking the effing bejesus+hell+shit out of guys who think they know how to execute Eddy Gordo’s “specials”.

kyle mercury, almost as good as I am at tekken tag

another fighting game not as ba as tekken tag

There’s a great deal of competition these days in the fighting game genre.  With big name titles like Soul Caliber, Marvel vs. Capcom 2, and Dead or Alive 2, Tekken Tag, has its work cut out for it.  However, where MvC2 flashes siezure worthy colors and bright lights, and DOA2 displays ridiculously big and bouncy breasts, Tekken actually puts up a real game.  It’s got flash, style, and the best system out there.  So the next time you go to your local game store and reach for some lame-shit fighting game made by capcom, take a moment and consider if you’d enjoy sucking dick, cause that’s about what you’ll be doing when you purchase it.

screenshot from marvel vs. capcom ex-111 omega hyper gold series excalibur turbo edition ver 2.2